Control of Life

Epiphanies of all epiphanies happened the other night.

I have been in a serious slump for about the last two years. At first I thought it was my job, so I left and found another job but that didn't seem to do the trick. I thought maybe it was my relationship but as with any relationship we have high points and low points and even at our high points, I was still feeling like I was in a slump.

And then it truly hit me. I was letting my life control me, instead of having control of my life.

There were all these things that I've wanted to do, wanted to experience and I wasn't doing them but had no good reason why.

It's kind of like I've had one of those moments where break some shit and scream "I've had enough!"

This epiphany has led me to start the process towards a desire I've always had, to own my own business.

I am starting Boss Consulting, focused on Human Resources and Career Consulting. My end goal is to provide inspirational career coaching for women.

I hope you'll join me on this ride, it's something I've never done before and I know I have a lot to learn.

And while you ponder to yourself whether or not you're in control of your life or if it's in control of you, I leave you with a video of the little monster who has control of my heart. I have to deal with this hostility every night. So worth it though. :)

Time Well Spent

Tim and I were able to sneak away for a couple of days to spend some QT on the DL together since we hadn't seen much of each other lately. Our favorite vacations are usually within a three hour radius and only last about three or four days. This latest trip really hit the spot! It was wonderful to reconnect, relax, indulge and live a different life for a couple days.

We stayed at a beautiful hotel right on the beach in Chatham, MA. You stepped out the door of our suite onto an adorable brick patio and the sand was basically right in front of us. The weather was beautiful, sun was shining and it was the perfect warmth.

We indulged in every meal of the day. I have always thought that ordering room service was one of the most luxurious things you can do while staying in a hotel and we didn't hold back. The food was simple and delicious.

Our second day, we spent the morning at the spa which was incredibly relaxing. I think I had the best facial of my life! We then hopped in one of their Lexus as part of their Lexus Test Drive Program and drop the hour out to Provincetown. What an amazing little beach town!

Best find of the day was our spot for lunch called The Canteen. They had Frose! Frozen Rose! What!!!! It was delicious! The sandwiches and the view were icing on the cake.

We enjoyed dinner during our last night in downtown Chatham that night to celebrate our anniversary. Chatham's downtown is adorable, things didn't seem like they were open all year round so what you'll find depends on the time of year you go but you still get the small beach town charm regardless.

It was a really beautiful few days and was a much needed time to disconnect from everything else and reconnect with each other.

Cheers Bosses!

D

Boundaries

They say you're supposed to learn a ton of stuff as you get older right?

I can't say that I've learned a ton of stuff, but one thing that I have gained a better understanding of as I've gotten older is the need to set boundaries. And it's been one heck of a positive learning experience.

Part of establishing those boundaries is doing a little bit of self inventory. Find out what's important to you. It's kind of like establishing your non negotiable. For me, it's privacy (which is ironic because I blog). I knew that I wanted to start making decisions and setting boundaries with people in an effort to not compromise my privacy.

The next thing you need to do is start to get comfortable with the word "no," which is friggin hard. One thing that I always try to remember is a quote I heard from the HBO series Girls. It goes something like this.

"It's really liberating saying no to shit you don't want to do."

You can't say yes to everyone and everything and quite honestly, you have no obligation to give a reason or an excuse.

It's okay to walk away from things. If it doesn't fulfill you or fill you up, let it go. Don't engage and don't give it a second of thought or worry.

The biggest boundary I set was with my family, parents and all. Tough it was to communicate where I  was and where I needed to be, there are no regrets.

Speak up for yourself boss.

XO

Self Love Series | May Goals

I am starting a new series called the Self Love Series! I know it's a little late in the year to start something like this but who cares!

For the rest of 2016, I am spending a significant amount of energy in focusing on self care: mental, physical, emotional, all of the above! And I thought that I'd set two or three things to focus on each month in an attempt to practice greater self love.

1| #5KSaturdays
Every Saturday, I am aiming to walk at least a 5K. The weather has been beautiful lately and I forgot how amazing it is to be out in the sunshine and fresh air and getting the blood pumping. This is one of those goals that not only has mental payoff but physical too.

2| Journal
For probably the last year, I've carried a journal around in my purse but have never taken the time to really fill it with anything. In May, I want to finally use it! My goal is to journal my thoughts rather than experiences. Write about my emotions and things that I am feeling so I am review and process.

Hop on over my YouTube for more deets on the Self Love Series!

Do you have any goals for May? What are your tips for practicing self love?

First Impressions

I was having conversations with someone the other day and we were talking about my first impression of him when I first joined the company. On my first day, I was walking with my colleague, and from afar she goes, "That's Derek, from IT, he's weird." As I walked past him I said hello is the most upbeat tone I could and I got nothing in return.

I get it, not everyone is having the best day, every day, but my first thought was that I will never call him if I have an IT problem, and I didn't. Until I got to know him better.

When we were talking it through, he explained that he was having the worst day and that he didn't care what his first impression was.

To me, first impressions are SO CRITICAL to the relationships you form.

If you're starting a new job, going for an interview, first date, whatever it may be, you have ONE change to make a good impression.

What does this even mean?

This means putting on your best pair of underwear.

This means wearing shoes you can actually walk in.

This means smiling like you just got laid.

It's not about being something that you're not, but it's about understanding that you can't take these moments back.

xoxo

D

Mom's Day Gift Guide

Mom's Day is coming up in case you haven't seen the Hallmark and jewelry commercials weaseling their way in to your TV routine. This year it falls on Sunday, May 8th and I've got some ideas for personal gifts to give Mom.

1| Personalized Stationary
Never heard of Minted...head on over there right this minute to order personalized stationary, address labels or notes for Mom. They also had beautiful art to peruse through too!

2| Succulents
Maybe it's just me but I feel like succulents are #trending (no?). I've become obsessed in having my own little family of succulents planted in my house and I think Mom would enjoy them too. They are relatively affordable and super easy to care for.

3| Bella Candles from Target
Every time I am in Target, I find myself drawn to these candles! They not only smell amazing but the tin designs are so friggin cute!

4| Blue Apron
Give Mom a break having to figure out what to make for dinner. You can order the plan as a gift for someone in one week, two week or four week intervals.

5| Sephora Favorites Deluxe Perfume Sampler
The Sephora Favorites samplers make great gifts no matter what event but the perfume samples screams Mom! Give her the chance to find a new scent! She'll have nine different ones to chose from and the best part, if she brings the scent certificate included with the sampler to a Sephora store, she can redeem her favorite scent in a full size bottle at no extra charge!

Happy Shopping Bosses!

March Career Tip

Each month, I am going to focus on one thing, career related, that can be used to get you where you want to me.

This month the focus is on Professional Associations. If you've catch my March Favorites over on YouTube you'll find that I listed Professional Associations as my Career Favorite for the month and here's why:

1| Networking

Professional Associates are made up of a number of people that do what you do or what you want to do. This means there are great opportunities to connect with other professionals, take about your industry, share best practices, and create a klan of people that you can use as a resource.

2| Girl Crush

As you network, you're going to find women whose career, lifestyle, energy speak to you. These people that you come to admire can quickly turn into mentors. Every boss deserves a mentor and the best thing is when you can become a mentor for someone else.

3| Knowledge

Professional Associations often hold educational seminars aimed at improving knowledge in the industry. They are usually pretty affordable especially if you already have membership. Since all bosses should be knowledge sponges you should definitely sign yourself up for sessions that spark your interest.

4| Badass By Associations

Often employers will think highly of a candidate because of the professional associates they are members of. It doesn't hurt to throw the associations you belong to on your Linkedin or your resume.

5| Money, Money, Money

In many cases, fees that you pay to Professional Associations can be tax deductible meaning it could result in a larger refund. I call that a win.

Boss Obsessed

1| Through the Lady Project Summit I found Bossed Up Org, an organization aimed at preventing burnout for strong and powerful lady bosses. It was started by Emilie Aries who I am basically obsessed with.

2| Sara Petty being bad ass bold on Twitter.

3| All the conversation I've had with Rooney but explained by a hot shirtless guy

4| It's National Puppy Day! And more importantly, it's my Rooney's birthday! I made her these pupcakes with plenty to share with the other furbabies at day care tomorrow.

5| Basically everyone's worst nightmare. And it involves POOP. But it will have you laughing for quite a while.

In the Trenches

I really love a good trench coat and feel like they are a great piece of outwear that transitions from day to night, work to play. The style itself can blend itself between seasons as well. Find my top picks for trenches for this spring below.

1| French Connection Twill Trench 2| Loft Essential Trench 3| Top Shop Double Breasted Coat
4| Michael Kors Single Breasted Raincoat 5| Jessica Simpson Ruffle Trench 6| Old Navy Trench 

Tips when searching for the perfect trench:

- Find one that is machine washable. It's much easier than having to have it dry cleaned.

- Look for feminine detail. The ruffle detail on the Jessica Simpson trench is to die for.

- Make sure you try it on before you commit. Our bodies are all shaped differently and sometimes a trench can sit weird on your hips. They are meant to highlight your hourglass figure so make sure you find one that makes you feel the most comfortable.

Happy shopping bosses!

D

The Road to Financial Wellness

I'm 27 years old and stuck.

I'm feeling married to my student loans and credit debt. Month after month I am paying the minimum  payment on my credit card struggling to get below the credit limit.

Now I don't blame anyone but myself. I chose to college to college. I chose to move out on my own when I wasn't financial ready and of course, refused to get a roommate. I chose to trade my perfectly good care for a fancy new one on a lease. These were all choices that I made in the last 5 years that looking back on now, maybe weren't the most thought out decisions.

I can definitely say that my financial situation is a huge cause of anxiety. This recently came to the surface during couples therapy where I had a mini meltdown about feeling like a free loader.

Since that appointment, I've made some drastic changes and put myself on a two year plan to financial wellness.

One | Credit Cards

Since credit cards are the biggest, most painful thorn in my side, I decided to tackle those first. Ironically I opened up a new credit card that was running a promotion for balance transfers, offering 0% APR for 18 months. The other thing I did is apply for a personal loan to pay off the remainder of my other credit cards. The personal loan has an interest rate of just under 10% which is worlds better than the 27% APR I have on some of my credit cards.

For me, the best part of my method of paying these dang cards off is there's a light at the end of the tunnel. 18 months for one and 24 months for the other, rather than the endless minimum payments that I had been doing for the past few years.

Two | Budget

Next, I created a budget. I've done them before but they were half assed. This budget was legit, with formulas and everything! Microsoft Excel has a budget template that you can download or you can create your own. My goal was the figure out where the hell all my money was going. In a way, I sort of knew where it was going but it was a big shock to see exactly how much was going where.

Three | Savings Account

Lastly, I opened up a savings account. I used to have one but it was "accidentally" closed as part of my parents divorce. I hadn't seen a need to reopen one until I had a conversation with my boss and he said something that really stuck. You need to pay yourself first. I definitely wasn't doing that but realized the value in it.

I feel much better about where I am now. Not my debt didn't go away overnight, but feeling like there's a plan and it's manageable has put me in a much better spot.

Do you have any tips for financial wellness?

D

Lady Project Summit

Saturday I spent the beautiful day up in Providence at the Lady Project Summit. If you're not familiar with the Lady Project, it's a nonprofit focused on inspiring women and sharing the amazing things we do. You should definitely check out their website at www.ladyproject.org if you're interested in learning more about them.

This is the fourth year that the nonprofit has put on the summit and my first year attending and it was amazing. The summit is comprised of different workshops that you can attend on topics such as anxiety, motherhood, leadership, financial wellness, fitness and nutrition and more! They also arranged for three amazing key note speakers throughout the day, Ann Shoket, former Editor in Chief at Seventeen Magazine, Ruma Bose, President of Chobani Venture and Elaine Pouliot, formed VP of T&D at IBM. Let me say that these three #badass key note speakers were the highlight.

It was definitely inspiring to see so many women come together for the same cause, supporting each others badassery (not a real word but it should be). It's a great networking opportunity and a chance to learn something about yourself, your passion, your purpose or your side hustle.

Not only do they have the day long summit, but they have an after party and events the Friday before and the Sunday after. It makes the price tag of the summit well worth it.

If you live near a summit or at least a local chapter, I encourage you to participate. I definitely plan on attending next year, and maybe more than just an attendee!

They also gave out an amazing swag bag. Hop on over to my Youtube to see what's included!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRPZnnzasHw

Have a fabulous week!

The Hunt

If you read my post about "The D Word" you'll know that I resigned from my job back in September. It took me almost five months to secure new gig and I learned some things about the job searching process along the way.

1. It truly is like having a second job
Staying on top of all the job posting sites takes a lot of work. I'd work a ten hour day, then come home and spend another two hours searching an applying for jobs. It can be a lot.

2. Don't get discouraged
There are thousands of jobs out there and probably tens of thousands of candidates. You can't let yourself get hung up on not hearing back from a job or having a bad interview because if it's meant to be it will be. Being frustrated or discouraged during the process doesn't put you in the right mindset to find the right job for you.

3. Diversify
Don't just look for things on Monster or Linkedin. Many professional associations have job posting sites that are incredibly useful. Indeed, Simplyhired are great for general postings but go one step further and search on industry specific job boards like HCareers for hospitality or HigherEd for jobs in the higher education field.

4. Let people know you're looking
Networking is a really great way to open yourself up to the right job being sent your way. If you are in the right position at your current role and you can let others know you're looking, you should. Sometimes one of your connections will be the one to send you the job posting that works out. That's exactly how I landed my first HR job.

5. Don't take things personally
Believe in yourself because you will most likely face a lot of rejection during this process. If you don't get an interview or if you don't hear back after an interview, understand that there is a lot that goes into an employer making a hiring decision and you can't take that decision personally.

I think above all, stay positive and don't give up! You will find the right job at the right time!

Do you have any job hunting tips to share?

D

Five on Friday: Lazy Girl Life Hacks

I think any sense of motivation I had left when the summer did so I've been trying to hold on tightly to some little things that make me feel accomplished during the day. Check out my list below!

Stretching in the Shower

Starting your day off with a good stretch helps to clear your mind and get your prepared for the day. Stretching in the shower is a double whammy because the warm water and steam help to loosen up your muscles. 

Squat and Pee

Each time you go to the bathroom, do ten squats! You'll find yourself doing a ridiculous amount of them and will definitely be sore the next day. If you're feeling adventerous  try push ups too (against the wall of course).

Cleansing Water

Some night I have zero energy to remove my make up, wash my face, put on moisturizer, etc so I have found cleansing waters to be a really good and quick solution. Right now I use Bioderma, put some on a cotton pad and I am done!

Laundry Service

I might get some judgey eyes on this one but I am okay with that. There was a time earlier this year where Tim and I were without a washer and dryer and because of our work schedules we used the laundry service at our local laundromat. Honestly, I was okay never getting a washer and dryer back. It was quick, efficient, and affordable. Just make sure you tip, after all they are washing your underwear.

Prepared Food

The casino close to my house just opened up a prepared food store where you can buy pre-made meals that you just stick in the over. On the nights that I don't want to cook or put together anything elaborate, I just grab and go and it helps me avoid eating popcorn and hershey kisses for dinner.

Do you have any lazy girl hacks that make your life just a little easier?

Career: Should You Let Your Employer Know You're Looking?

I've only changed organizations once in my career so I am by no means an expert on this topic but I think it's an important question to ask yourself when you begin to explore other career opportunities. I've heard stories of an employee having their resume posted on Monster only to come to work the following day to be let go because they were "looking" elsewhere. This type of scenario begs the question of whether or not it's a good practice to let your employer know you may not be happy.

If you read my last post, you'll know that I resigned from my job and honestly, since I've done that, I think it's not a bad thing to let your Manager know you're not happy. Now it definitely depends on your position. Often to protect company information and property, you very well could be walked out so it's important to prepare for the worst case scenario. Most importantly is that you go about it in an incredibly professional way. Below are my tips to prepare yourself for that conversation.

1. Dissect your reasons for wanting to leave the company

They are going to ask you why so be prepared with your answer. Make sure you can communicate it clearly and confidently. Also be prepared to answer some follow up questions.

2. Be prepared for a counter offer

Some companies will counter offer if you put in your notice for another job, especially if they want to keep you. Handling a counter offer well will depend on how well you've thought about the reasons you want to leave. If it's strictly due to money, give the counter offer a solid thought.

3. Don't ever burn bridges

You always want to be able to use past employers as a reference so don't make any moves that would hurt a connection. This includes sharing some of the real reasons why you want to leave with your co-workers. Word travels fast in every organization and bad press could shorten your notice.

4. Be confident

Go into the conversation with the confidence that you are making the right decision. Wear a power suit that day, have a typed up resignation letter ready in the event they try to talk you out of it. Believe in yourself that you are making the right decision.

The D Word

All I wanted to do was buy a new iPhone. I had made up my mind and that's what I wanted to do in that moment. When I could not buy a new phone because of some "authorized user" nonsense, I could feel the shift in my body. My face got hot and my shoulders became tense.

I walked to my car, parked it a few spots away from any other cars and proceeded to have the most heart wrenching cry. I felt disconnected with myself. Out of control.

Later that night, I laid my head on Tim's chest and cried again. The second I realized what I was feeling, I couldn't keep myself from loosing it. Tim ran his big hand through my hair.

"I think I'm depressed and I'm scared" I told him.

I am no stranger to struggles with mental health and I always could tell when I needed to get back into therapy. The second I start to feel anxious (aside from the every day anxieties) or down, I would text my therapist and make an appointment. But for the first time in my life, I felt as though I couldn't see the forrest through the trees. I was in the high season at work which meant very little time and didn't feel the normal ease of snapping myself out of it. And that's what scared me.

I had forgotten all about the importance of self care and as a result, found myself in a really rough spot. The Monday following that experience, I committed myself to the steps I needed to take to get myself back on track. I decided that I needed to resign from my position at work. I made an appointment with my therapist. I am taking deeper breathes and slowing down the moments to get myself back to a better place where self care is a priority.

I am redefining my life, setting boundaries and as Jenny puts it "deciding what I want more of in my life."

I write about this topic because it's important for women to realize that they are not defined my their career and it is easy to lose yourself by focusing only on your paycheck or title. I encourage each of you to take a step back and evaluate where you are in this moment. Are you practicing self care and do you have enough of what you need in your life?

Five on Friday: Tips for Job Hunting

And we're back! I've been in a rough patch lately....lack of creativity, time, motivation, all those excuses ya know?

Here are my five tips when you're job hunting.

1. Don't give up!

It's so easy to get down on yourself when you don't hear back from that job that you really wanted. Or the one that you thought you were the perfect candidate for. What I've learned in life is that it always works out how it's supposed to and that job that passed on you, really wasn't the best fit anyways.

2. Be thorough

I'm not sure why but it seems as application processes for organizations are getting longer and longer! Although not ideal, spend the time on an application. This is your FIRST impression. Make it a good one. If the job ad looks for a cover letter, write up a cover letter. If it asks for references, send them. Don't pass up on a potential new career just because the application process is annoying.

3. Look for alternatives

When you can't find your perfect job, look for alternatives. Not all job titles do a good job reflecting the job itself. Dig a little deeper into the job description and discover if your skills would be transferable. Also look into alternative work set-ups. Telecommuting and home based jobs are out there and certain companies are known for offering those arrangements like Dell and ADP.

4. Create a new e-mail

I can't tell you the amount of times I have viewed resumes with e-mails like sexychick@hotmail.com or ilove420@yahoo.com. Make sure you are using a professional e-mail so that your experience stands out and not your immaturity.

5. Be patient

Sometimes candidates send a resume and then call two days later to follow up. Be patient with organizations. Allow them at least five business days to view your resume.

There is much, much more that goes into job hunting but I hope these tips help you on your way!

The New Adult

I've reached a really strange point in my life....the point where I feel like I am a true adult. When I say adult, I don't mean that I am 26 and in the sense of life that means your an adult. I mean that I am reaching a point where sometimes I feel more responsible than my parents. Or the point where I'm watching the performance of my 401K and getting excited by gains.

I think what brought this on is my dad is flying up from Florida this week and he's STAYING with Tim and I. My parents recently divorced and normally he would stay in the home I grew up in but they are in the process of selling it so it's literally EMPTY. So I offered our house and it's making me feel really strange.

For 26 years, I've relied on my parents. To always have a place for me to stay. To always be there if my bank account is at $3 and need money (at 26, this still happens sometimes). But now, my dad is relying on me for something.

Maybe this is the shift in life that happens with every adult where the people you once relied on, now rely on you more and more.

Circle of life I guess.

Weekend Bucket List: Coventry Farmer Market

Two days off felt like a full week of vacation and I wanted to make the most of it. I created a list of things that I wanted to do and it really helped me not fall into the excuse of staying in bed or throwing into the work I took home. Although it was a rainy weekend, it was a rather fabulous one as well.

Saturday morning I went to the gym and then volunteered at Friday's Rescue Foundation to get my puppy fix in. I found this rescue while I was on PetFinder and realized they are only about twenty minutes away. Being there fills my heart to the brim to not only know I am helping but to get to play with the dogs and the puppies.

Tim and I had some AH-MAZING BBQ for lunch then ran some errands at Home Depot. One item on my bucket list was to plant some herbs, so I bought some soil, gravel and plants to house my mint, parsley and chive seeds.

This morning we took a ride out to the Coventry Farmers Market. I've been wanting to go here for over a year since it's the largest farmers market in New England and it definitely lived up to that reputation regardless of the weather. We found some delicious pasta sauce, goat cheese, garlic scares and fresh bread. Of course we hit up the food truck (I think every single one) and enjoyed a taco, grilled cheese, poutine and cupcakes.

For some reason I've had an obsession with scones this week so I wanted to make some homemade. I used the garlic scapes and goat cheese and they didn't come out too shabby!

It was a wonderful weekend and a great way to head into a crazy work week!

I hope you all had a just as wonderful weekend!

The Jump

I think my favorite thing about blogging and attempting to inspire other women is finding stories that are worth sharing and connecting with those that live these stories. I love hearing how people came to land where they are, what motivates them, the risks they take and what their experiences were like along the way. These stories excite me and I have a really inspiring story for you all.

I received an e-mail from a dear friend who I hadn't spoken too in a little while because she was traveling the world and living and incredibly exciting life. In this e-mail she wrote:

I don't know if I mentioned this, but I'm engaged, sold my house in record speed, and moving back to Europe in a few months. 

I kind of had a "holy shit" reaction. Holy shit I want her life. Holy shit I want to move to Europe. Holy shit is the grass actually greener on the other side of the pond?

When I really thought her story through, I realized it should be holy shit, she's bold. She is bold enough to take what I call The Jump.

The Jump to follow your gut.

The Jump to follow your heart.

The Jump to follow what makes you happy.

As females, we all need to find that boldness. It's so easy to be apprehensive and filled with fear about our decisions. But when you jump is where I think you find your true happiness.

Be bold babes.....be bold. 

Five on Friday: Five Things I Can't Wait For This Weekend

I've got a jam packed weekend full of fun and I can't wait for 6pm on Friday. Here's what is rocking my world this weekend.

Graduation
I am graduating with my Masters on Saturday which is pretty special. I didn't walk for my undergraduate degree so this time I am participating is all the pomp and circumstance.

Food Truck Festival
Two words....food trucks. There is a local food truck festival with cupcakes and bbq. It's basically the on earth equivalent of heaven.

Girls
I am very lucky to have four incredibly close girlfriends and whenever we are all able to be in one place I often end up crying, professing my love to all of them. They are my soul sisters and I can't wait to see them.

Pre-Summer Weather
The shoulder seasons of summer are probably my favorite times of the year. I love the temperature beings in the 60s and 70s and the sun shining all day. I can't wait to be able to actually enjoy it!

Celebrations
I'm so excited to have all my favorite people together in one place to celebrate graduation. It doesn't happen often but there will be food and pictures and dancing and an open bar. BOOM.