The D Word

All I wanted to do was buy a new iPhone. I had made up my mind and that's what I wanted to do in that moment. When I could not buy a new phone because of some "authorized user" nonsense, I could feel the shift in my body. My face got hot and my shoulders became tense.

I walked to my car, parked it a few spots away from any other cars and proceeded to have the most heart wrenching cry. I felt disconnected with myself. Out of control.

Later that night, I laid my head on Tim's chest and cried again. The second I realized what I was feeling, I couldn't keep myself from loosing it. Tim ran his big hand through my hair.

"I think I'm depressed and I'm scared" I told him.

I am no stranger to struggles with mental health and I always could tell when I needed to get back into therapy. The second I start to feel anxious (aside from the every day anxieties) or down, I would text my therapist and make an appointment. But for the first time in my life, I felt as though I couldn't see the forrest through the trees. I was in the high season at work which meant very little time and didn't feel the normal ease of snapping myself out of it. And that's what scared me.

I had forgotten all about the importance of self care and as a result, found myself in a really rough spot. The Monday following that experience, I committed myself to the steps I needed to take to get myself back on track. I decided that I needed to resign from my position at work. I made an appointment with my therapist. I am taking deeper breathes and slowing down the moments to get myself back to a better place where self care is a priority.

I am redefining my life, setting boundaries and as Jenny puts it "deciding what I want more of in my life."

I write about this topic because it's important for women to realize that they are not defined my their career and it is easy to lose yourself by focusing only on your paycheck or title. I encourage each of you to take a step back and evaluate where you are in this moment. Are you practicing self care and do you have enough of what you need in your life?